Blog2020-01-14T08:26:00-08:00

Relationship3Blog

Increasing self-awareness and emotional-regulation skills so that you can experience a more connected, effective and joyful life.

The Power of the CHOICE POINT

(SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM FOR THE SUPERPOWER OF SELF-AWARENESS GUIDE) Every. Single. Day.  Shoes, socks, and shirts are strewn around the living room, dropped at the very point where they were removed, which is no more than 20 feet from the shoe bin or laundry room.  I know you can relate to the frustration! Every day, I patiently remind him to pick up after himself. Well, most days. Some days, I get a little snippy and tell him his maid doesn’t live here.  I’m a work in progress. When I saw this scene this morning, I felt the rage rise up, and noticed the resulting thoughts: “Seriously!?! How many times will it take before he gets it? This kid drives me nuts!” I bet you wouldn't blame me if I lost it and actually shouted those thoughts at him. Sometimes, it feels like yelling is the only thing that gets [...]

Reducing the Power of Triggers

(SCROLL DOWN TO DOWNLOAD THE WORKSHEET AND WATCH THE VIDEOS) You might not be aware of this, but today is World Mental Health Day!  As a way of honoring the importance of mental health, I have created a gift for you. It is a printable worksheet that will guide you through your triggers in order to reduce the power they have over you. You can access it below, along with some videos that walk you through examples. The question I get the most from parents is "How do I stop yelling at my kids?!?" The short answer is this: pay attention to the situations that cause you to yell and reflect on why those situations trigger such intense emotions for you.  Reflection gives you insight about the reasons certain situations cause such intense emotions in you.  When you have that insight, or awareness, those situations don't have as much power over your emotions, [...]

5 Tips for Getting Through the Start of School at Home

Ready or not, here comes school! After months of global uncertainty, you’d think we would be pros at handling the unknown, right?! Unfortunately, that’s not the case, and many of us are feeling unsettled as we wait and see what this new school year brings. Before I share my 5 tips for getting through the start of school with you, ponder this: Research shows that uncertainty triggers severe anxiety in most people because the brain registers uncertainty as danger. In fact, one recent study showed that people who were told they would definitely receive a painful electric shock were calmer than those who were told there was a 50% chance they would receive one. When our brains know what is coming, they can plan for it. When they don’t, they overestimate the risk of a situation, and underestimate our ability to handle it. So, when you find yourself worried about [...]

Effects of Overfunctioning in Parenting

Like most of you, I am trying to figure out the juggle in this apparent "new normal" we call Covid, and find a balance that works. One of my challenges is that, right when I think I've found a good balance, something happens that knocks me off the beam and leaves me scrambling to adjust once again. Can you relate??? I know you can... For us, one benefit of quarantine has been our ability to focus on strengthening relationship and communication skills. All of this time spent together has certainly shown us where the cracks are! A relationship dynamic I recently read about, called overfunctioning and underfuctioning, has helped me to see where I have been doing more than my share for my kids, which has led to frustration and resentment on my part. Just having awareness of it has empowered me to release responsibility for some of the things [...]

How Words Impact Emotions

We, like so many others, have been experiencing an abundance of emotion throughout the past few months. As a therapist, I know the benefits of emotional expression, and highly encourage it in my clients and my children. Most of the time, emotions serve as valuable information and give us clues about what we need: Anger lets us know we feel wronged and we need to set or reinforce a boundary Guilt tells us we have wronged someone else and need to make it right Disappointment reveals unmet expectations that might need to be communicated Irritability typically communicates that a basic need (hunger, thirst, connection, comfort, rest) is not being met. All of you who, like me, are raising “hangry” kids know the fast-healing power of a solid snack! Other times, however, big emotions are triggered simply by our choice of words. “This is NEVER going to end!” “Why do you [...]

Your Anger May Be Justified, But It Is Not Effective

It can be argued that anger is not a feeling, but a reaction to a feeling. * When your child says hurtful things to you, you feel sad, or hurt, and react by yelling at her to go to her room until she has something nice to say. * When your partner doesn't follow through with what they said they would do, you feel disappointed, and react by insulting their character- calling them lazy or accusing them of never following through. * When your kids are preventing you from getting out of the house on time in the morning, and you realize you are going to be late for work yet again, you feel overwhelmed, and react by yelling at them. * When your partner has been working long hours and you have been by yourself with the kids for four days, you feel depleted, and react by dismissing their attempt [...]

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